New Year, New Planet? These Weird Natural Phenomenons Have Us Thinking The Apocalypse Is Near
January 14, 2018
If you haven’t noticed, there’s been a lot of weird weather around the world. This comes on the heals of a week when it snowed in Florida and the wind chill on Mount Washington reached -90 degrees Fahrenheit, so, yeah it’s never been more clear that our planet is so screwed. A “bomb cyclone” brought arctic temperatures into the east coast, and, just the name “bomb cyclone,” is enough to tell you that some weird weather stuff is going down.
From Georgia to Tallahassee, people were losing their sh*t at the sight of the first signs of snow in over 30 years. Guys, it snowed in Florida! And as charming as it may seem, take it from a born-and-bred New Yorker, snow is some of the ugliest stuff on the planet. Ever. Just take a walk through your city the day after any snowstorm and tell me you’re not utterly grossed out walking through that grey soot that lines the streets. What’s uglier? The fact that it shouldn’t be snowing that close to the equator! What in the name of Mother Nature is going on here? What the hell have we all freakin’ done? We’re not sure, but here are some of the weird weather occurrences that happened in 2017 that have us thinking the apocalypse is closer than any of us think.
Just last February, Oklahoma Mesonet Station in the small Oklahoma town of Magnum measured a high temp of 99.4 degrees, tying the state’s all-time high for the month. Three days later, and you guessed it, snow fell on Valentine’s Day, bringing the strangest flux in temperature one could ever imagine. From shorts and tank tops to winter jackets and snow boots. C’mon, Mother Nature, what the hell was that about?
From snow in Oklahoma to the lack of snow in Chicago, this past year had some of the most “WTF weird weather” moments anyone can remember. That’s right, Chicago failed to report a single inch of snow cover in at least one January or February day since the same winter of the Great Chicago Fire — which, for you non-history buffs, was in 1871. From the (barely) White Christmas the city had — ChiTown had two inches of snow from December 25 to March 14 — the city would fail to have an inch of snow on the ground. It took a strange, late-season Winter Storm Stella and its lake-effect snow to hit the city for Chicago to be covered in flurries again.
Need more proof the world might be F’ed? This past November was actually one of the warmest fall months in history. The south must’ve felt more like the Deep South (cue: Little Nicky voice), with record temperatures all over Texas and throughout the south. Dallas-Fort Worth had not one, but two 90-degree days in November, and that’s a first for the city. Across the Lone Star State were plenty of other 90-degree days, and, for a month, summer had officially eclipsed fall.
From all the warm weather down south to all the terribly dry weather in the west, California experienced one of the most destructive wild fires to ever hit the state. Southern California was devastated by the fires, which, in peak flow, were larger than New York City in size and destroyed over 1,000 structures. For a few weeks, it seemed like California was burning to the ground as the fire raged on and effected millions. 2017 was, by all intents and purposes, one of the most destructive seasons on record, as five of the 20 most damaging fires took place during the year. The fires have since given birth to flash flood warnings and an onslaught of complications as the fires still go on today, with only 94 percent contained.
So, yeah, 2017 was a messed up one, guys, with weird weather all over the country — and 2018 isn’t looking much better. Seasons have basically vanished in most parts of the country, so the only thing we can do is throw all logic out the window. Grab some snow boots (I’m looking at you Floridians!) and never put away your summer clothes, ‘cause you never know when they could be needed. A shovel is essential, unless you’re in Chicago? And if you live in California, prepare for flames and be safe! 2018 will probably be more of the same — expect the unexpected — but here’s hoping that the next Ice Age doesn’t crawl up on our door step in July and leave us all frozen while swimming to celebrate America’s birthday.